Intensive Couples Therapy
in person Tacoma | online WA, OR & UT
Save your relationship over the weekend (like, literally).
Because weekly therapy is too slow for a relationship on its last legs.
You’re here because your relationship is a $%^&ing mess, and you are finally waking up to it, together.
(You’ve only had to beat your partner over the head with it for the past 15 years! But I guess that was worth it…)
When your relationship is in crisis, you must act immediately. You need emergency intervention right now—your weekly couples therapy is barely scratching the surface. Your relationship won’t survive “fight of the week” therapy.
An hour every week is. not. enough. (And you know it!)
You need a bigger, more focused container to isolate your issues without any distractions, defenses or excuses. Change happens now. No more talk, just action.
Underneath all of the damage you’ve inflicted on the relationship, you love your partner and they love you. Sometimes you still see their sweetness, but it’s getting harder and harder to recall the good times with each other. And here’s the kicker: at some point, you stopped wanting to. Uh-oh!
During a Tacoma couples intensive, you’re going to break down your barriers, look clearly at what you’re doing to contribute to the crisis, and take ownership for it, immediately.
Because when you deflect (even if it’s true), you avoid taking responsibility and you give away your power to do anything about your issues—and yes, I do mean your issues. (Remember, you can’t actually change your partner. That whole thing about change yourself and you change the world, yadda yadda).
You create and invite a relationship full of deflection and attacks. Responsibility & clarity create safety, not defensiveness.
You begin to sound like, look like and act like school children. (“He/she/they did it first!”) It’s miserable to watch, trust me. And it’s worse to be in the middle of it.
Let me tell you a secret: it stopped mattering who started it a long time ago (and frankly, I could care less). Now it’s time to end it.
You make it so that no change happens and create a relationship full of victimhood and no safety. Ownership is what creates safety—not waiting for the other to go first; that’s conditional & ownership-less safety (which isn’t real safety anyways).
You will go first without looking to your partner, or watch your relationship destruct. My relentless insistence on no excuses, just clarity and action is what creates relationship safety & change immediately.
It’s also really frustrating too. But hey, you’re not paying me to be my friend or to hear what you want to hear.
You’re looking for radical honesty and direct communication, so that you can change yourself and your relationship.
Here’s another unflattering truth: most couples legitimately want their partner to change, as a person, on (what their partner thinks are) some deep-seated personality issues of theirs. And I support that, just as I’ll support them when they demand reasonable changes from you—now we’re cookin’!
I speak the unflattering truths because, like they say, “the truth will set you free.” (It’s cliché, I know, but it’s TRUE!)
Stop wasting your time and do something different. Whatever it is that you’ve been doing hasn’t worked (obviously!), or you wouldn’t be here reading this. The sooner you take action, the better things will get. No more excuses. Just change.
It’s time to do an intensive, get a new couples therapist (ahem, me!) and get a different individual therapist, or get yourself into individual therapy (with my help & specific recommendations, of course!) You’re going to pull out all the stops because you are worth it and your relationship is worth it.
Post-intensive, weekly therapy will actually be full of meaningful work, rather than a stopgap or yet another place to argue & avoid responsibility.
How It Works
Tacoma Couples Intensives are designed to supercharge your progress in just one weekend.
Tacoma couples intensives are as short as 3 hours and as long as 2 full days. This unrelenting attention and focus on your relationship and your feelings will help you both break down the walls you’ve erected which form the barrier to your connection and are the source of your distance and pain. We’ll engage in immersive and concentrated sessions that allow us to go deep and create character change—you’re both going to have to change as people to make this relationship work, and you know it. Some couples don’t succeed without immediate help, now—starting with weekly therapy could be the death knell for their relationship as they continue to hurt and hurt each other, without any sense of their impact on each other and accountability in the damage they cause.
Choosing to do a couples therapy intensive is a choice to prioritize your relationship in a time of crisis.
During the couples intensive, we'll focus on your and your partner’s current experiences and challenges, using a blend of therapeutic approaches including PACT and ISTDP. Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT) is a method that uses a psychobiologically informed, mindful approach to resolving conflict to help relationships grow. Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy (ISTDP) is a dynamic and focused approach that emphasizes the exploration and resolution of unconscious emotional conflicts.
During a 2-Day Intensive, there will be opportunity for a one-on-one session with each of you, but most of the process will be with you, your partner, and myself. This is a space where you must be 100% real with each other to save your relationship, so we won’t be shying away from your true thoughts, feelings and perceptions—even the ugly ones you’re afraid to say out loud. I’ll encourage you both to bring whatever messes or struggles you have and be there to meet you with compassion, honesty, focus and accountability.
My experience working with couples in crisis doing 3-5 intensives/month for the past 2 years has taught me that your delay & avoidance is your biggest enemy.
You’re WAY more likely to minimize the severity of how serious your issues are and the level of care and attention they require than you are to exaggerate them.
You’re more likely to focus on the cost of the intensive than the cost of not enough therapy & not good enough therapy, which is your relationship, your peace, your (intact) family and your kids’ mental health.
Some couples absolutely should not be starting with weekly therapy.
Most couples come to me too late, and some tried other therapists first & regret not investing in top-notch therapy with me, from the very beginning. A high-conflict therapist is built differently.
If you’re reading this page, if you identify your relationship as high-conflict, and if the intensity of my writing and messaging doesn’t scare you away, that’s your sign that you need an intensive.
When you have kids, the longer you wait to address the relationship issues, the more you compound the time, money & stress you will all experience. Your kids pick up your bad habits and suddenly you’re all triggering each other in an endless feedback loop. You’re all doing individual therapy, couples therapy, family therapy, calls with the school…
I have NEVER seen a couple in therapy who came too early, or who exaggerated the severity of their issues (let that sink in!)
How long of an intensive do you need?
And what’s the difference between a half day, full day and weekend intensive?
3-4 Hour Intensive | $1,500-$2,000
You’ll get through 2-3 major issues or conversations in 3-4 hours of time
We spend the entire time together
You’ll each get a partial understanding of your relationship cycle and scratch the surface of your individual issues
The longer you’ve been together & the more entrenched your patterns, the more time you need. If you’ve been together for a decade, you’re high-conflict, have shared trauma and/or are talking about divorce, you need a 1 or 2 day intensive
This is the perfect intensive for a premarital couple who doesn’t identify with having severe difficulties, but really wants to do a deep dive on their relationship and set themselves up for a fantastic marriage
1 Day Intensive (6.5 Hours) | $3,250
Most couples deescalate during the first day. The morning (first 3 hours) are a slog, and the afternoon (last 3.5 hours) are when most couples experience relief and actually begin to work together
We spend the whole day together
You’ll probably feel like you get it by the end of the day, and be asking yourselves, now what?
Most couples feel relief at the end of Day 1 and need to capitalize on their walls being down very quickly with follow up therapy & intensives.
Difficult couples have a much shorter refractory period, meaning, their walls can come back up in seconds, hours, overnight, or within a few days. Between therapy sessions can be hell because of this. If that’s you, read the 2 Day box.
2 Day Intensive (12.5 Hours) | $6,250
You will be working on the deeper issues by Day 2 (no more weekly fights). You’ve moved out of relationship cycle and are exploring each individual’s contributions to the conflict on a deeper level than ever before.
We most of the weekend together. You each have a 90 minute individual session on the morning of Day 2
Day 2 is when couples really work with calmness & actually connect for the first time in years, or maybe even ever, with very minimal help from me, by the end of the day
The afternoon portion (last 3 hours) is connection, not conflict
This is the intensive for couples & individuals with significant individual or shared trauma, for the couples who have tried therapy before but it hasn’t worked, or the couples who need to know now if they’re staying together or getting divorced, while legitimately giving themselves & the relationship a fighting chance
There is a proportional and direct relationship between the frequency & length of therapy needed and:
the severity of one or both individuals’ mental health issues (when you have one, you have the other)
the amount of time they’ve been together
how dirty & damaging they fight
how walled off and/or impulsive they are as people
The shorter the defensive wall refractory period, the longer a therapy session needs to be and the more frequently we need to meet. Couples who do intensives with me also need to be in their own therapy with seriously good therapists. This isn’t little league therapy.
I can handle your fights and I’ll teach you how to handle them, too.
I’m a hard-working, sometimes controlling, perfectionist. I am sharp, fast & unrelenting. I am the best at what I do and I know the best individual therapists. If you wanted results, like yesterday, I’m the therapist you want to work with. If you’re too triggered reading this, you should find somebody else, because I am not everybody’s cup of tea. But I am damn good at what I do—the sharpshooter you’ve been looking for. Also, I cuss like a sailor. (I’m working on it, I know—I can’t be great at everything!)
Frequently Asked Questions
-
Couple intensives benefit people who want rapid change and are willing to put in the effort. This isn’t a place where you or your partner “get fixed,” or for those who are making any sort of concrete plans to end their relationship (i.e. dividing assets, divorce attorney, etc.). Intensives are about putting your relationship first, requiring accountability from both partners, a belief in your ability to change together, and a willingness to dive in with both feet. Schedule an intake appointment with me here to get started and make sure an intensive is right for you.
-
Yes, relationships with a history of DV or IPV may be a fit for an intensive and are welcome in this process. If there are current or recent episodes of physical violence, it may require additional screening and cost for screening upfront. I’m always willing to connect and answer further questions, so feel free to schedule an intake appointment here.
-
Intensives can be as short as 3-4 hours and as long as 1 or 2 days. We can discuss what length of an intensive would be the best fit for you during your intake appointment.
-
No. Couples intensives are held in person in my office over the weekend and online for residents of Washington, Oregon and Utah. You must be located in one of these states at the time of service.
My office is located at:
4041 Ruston Way, Suite 202
Tacoma, WA 98407
-
I am not an In Network provider with any insurance. You are responsible for payment at the time of service. I am happy to provide you a receipt for out of network reimbursement. Call the number on the back of your insurance card to check your out of network benefits. See my FAQs page for additional instructions on what to ask.
-
Intake Appointment (100 minutes): $700
3 Hour Intensive: $1,500
Half Day Intensive (4 hours): $2,000
1 Day Intensive (6.5 hours): $3,250
2 Day Intensive (12.5 hours): $6,250
Once you book an intensive with me, you will be charged the full amount upfront. There are no cancellations. Reschedules may be possible in the case of an emergency, for up to 4 weeks after the original date.
Choosing to invest in an intensive isn't just about the money — it's about showing up for your relationship in a big way. You'll come out of it with a deeper connection, clearer communication, and a renewed sense of partnership that can carry you through whatever life throws your way.
-
Yes. Before getting started, we'll have a 100 minute intake appointment to ensure we're the right fit and to prepare you for the intensive by discussing any specific concerns you have, as well as developing goals for the intensive. Cases with more severe distress, including DV/IPV, may require an additional assessment. Before the intensive, I am happy to consult with current medical or mental health providers, including current couple therapists, individual therapists, psychiatrists, etc. Schedule an intake appointment here.
If you do not want to schedule an intake appointment before your intensive and prefer to just dive in, I am happy to work with you without an intake appointment. It is not required.
-
If you would like to continue working with me on a weekly or biweekly basis, I am happy to do so if I have availability on my calendar. If I do not have space to see you, I will offer referrals for a therapist in your area and can give them a recap of what you’ve worked on once you establish a relationship with a weekly therapist.
-
Yes! I am happy to coordinate with your weekly therapist before and after your intensive about what you’re currently working on and a follow-up on what you both accomplished during your intensive.
